Classified: Girlfriend Required

Hi All,

Due to recession, I had to leave my Girlfriend (as part of my cost cutting efforts) & now I need a new one, so pass on this information to your female friends.

Applications are invited for the post "Junior girl friend (trainee)". The Eligibility criteria are:
Experience:  Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement: Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.
Age: 18-23 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
* 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
* Bike rides each duration 1 hour
* Trips to National Highways
* Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
* Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
* 2 movies per month (on weekends)
* Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every weekend (On your own expense)
A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.
Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and Un-professional taxes will be informed on joining.
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)
Please NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.
There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friends, colleagues etc.
Candle light/Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.


Interested candidates can send their resume with
Subject: Name/fresher-exp/age.
Photo must be attached in the email
Note: Applications without photo will be rejected.

Madness

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

Want To Be A Spy

An intelligence agency had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the KGB agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”

The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.

Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”